JoAnn's Caption Contest #33

Current Entries

Posted December 5th, 2004

Scroll down to see the results of previous contests!

The content on this page may not be appropriate for minors (thanks to everyone who submitted captions for #10.)

Jeff picks all the pictures, you provide the captions, and JoAnn picks the winners. Come up with the most entertaining caption and you could win the respect of other visitors to Jeff and JoAnn's website! To enter, just submit your caption using the form below.

You may have problems using this form if:

• You are an IE user. IE doesn't support "mailto" in forms.
• You are using Netscape, but you haven't specified your outgoing mail server.

If you have problems with the form, just send your caption to jneau@comcast.net.

A blast from the past. Sue (from high school) finds the site and submits the caption that made Jeff laugh the most.

Photo: The boys go nuts at the Minnesota State Fair

• "Ah man...did you have to go with the bean burrito!?!" - Tony B.
• "CUUUUUURRRRLLLLLYYYY FFFFRRRRRIIIIIEEEESSSS!" - Don L.

July 8th, 2004

And Joe didn't even know JoAnn was picking up dog poo!

Photo: JoAnn, barefoot and pregnant, picks up dog poo in the yard. We never used to worry about doing this in the summer, but the boys like to put stuff in their mouths. Jeff was pulling weeds.

• This is getting old...I wish Jeff would get off is ass and fix the toilet! - Jeff N.
• Ahhh...the life I've always dreamt of...me picking up doggy-doo barefoot AND pregnant while my hubby slaves away at the controls of the digital camera. - Don L.
• I'll be damned if I'm paying seven bucks a pound for field greens! - Jeff N.
• Poopies! Poopies! Poopies! - Tony B.

January 25th, 2004

This was a tough one...

Photo: The boys sit on Santa's lap - December 24th, 2003

• Luke and Jerry Garcia are bogarting the joint, man, and I don't like it!" - JOE!
• Hurry up and take the picture. This kid's poopy and this one is trying to take stuff out of my pockets! - L. Allen (misc internet user)
• This guy's coming to my house to give me WHAT? - Gloria D. (misc internet user)
• Who the hell did you say this guy was again? - Tony B.
• Sheesh, mom...we don't want whisker kisses from this dude! He looks like an freakin' old Paul Bunyan who stole Mickey Mouse's gloves so he could chop down a goddamn birch forest in order to build an over-sized chair to sit his cookie-lovin' butt on! - Paula F.
• Siskel and Ebert as children - Sassy F. (misc internet user)
• I didn't toot, he did! - Jeff N.
• I thought you said there would be a bowl full of jelly!! - Jeff N.
• Luke just asked for the stuff I wanted! - Jeff N.

September 9th, 2003

We have no idea who "Byellingsworth" is, but he/she had a pretty funny caption...

Photo: Jeff eats cheese curds at the 2004 Minnesota State Fair (see ya there), and doesn't share them.

• I've got a cheese curd in my pocket and his name is Carlos! - Don L.
• Jeff is proud of his first place finish in the Race for the Curd, unaware he mistakenly ran in the handicapped division. - Bill N.
• Help, I've got a turtle head pokin' and it's from eating all these damn cheese curds! - Sara B.
• Oh hey dar little boy. No, no Cheesy Poofs here... so take your "cheesy" ass smile and hit the friggin' road... ya Curd lovin' farm boy! - Tony B.
•  

May 4th, 2003

JoAnn just about fell out of her chair reading Don's caption. Jake's head isn't really that big.

Photo: JoAnn's cousin Zoey holding Jakob during her visit in April, 2003.

• Jake thinks to himself... "Good Lord, I'm as big as a six year old!" - Paula F.
• It's definitely the pants. - Bill N.
• I sure hope she's done practicing her Charlie McCarthy act...or she uses Lukas for Act II - JOE!
• What you talkin' 'bout, Willis? - Jeff N.
• Quade.......Quade.... - Jeff N.

January 23rd, 2003

I wouldn't exactly call what I did with Physics in college "studying"...it was more like "sleeping".

Photo: Jeff actually uses a basket and a fish scale to weigh the babies for the first two months.

• Jeff collects data on the question of whether it's vomit or spit-up. But, his data is rejected by the scientific community when they learn one baby was held upside down. - Bill N.
• Hmmmm, this picture's gonna have 'Caption Contest' written all over it!!! - Don L.
• Jeff finally wins the Caribou Lake Fishing Contest...TWO keepers!! - Pat B.
• Jeff attempts to do a DOUBLE Michael Jackson "hold and swing" as Molly and Cammie prepare to alert the press. - JOE!
• Hmm....Jakob...you weigh 5 lbs. more that your brother! Have you been eating mom's secret cookie stash again? - Paula F.
• Nine pounds. Cool. Okay, JoAnn...it's safe to let Jake run around the backyard. Horned Owls can only carry up to eight pounds. - Jeff N.

December 31st, 2002

A bit of confusion here since this is a picture of Jakob. Don might've won otherwise.

Photo: Jakob strikes a random pose in the NICU.

• Someone please tell that guy to quit saying, 'Luuuuuke, I am your faaaather'! - Don L.
• Oh my God...THAT's my dad? - Paula F.
• One ringy dingy - SNORT...Two ringy dingies - SNORT - JOE!
• Run this by me again. Me and Lukas came out where? You are like soooo kidding, right? - Bill N.
• You want me to eat WHERE?!? - Tony B.
• Oops, I crapped my pants! - Jeff N.

November 7th, 2002

Although one doesn't normally wash in the dryer, it's still funny.

Photo: Dave Langlie helps David Jansa temporarily set a dryer-ride spin record.

• There goes Dave again, washing one of his "toys". - Don L.
• Jansa sets the new records for consecutive bowel movements in the dryer... - Jeff N.

August 31st, 2002

Not sure why JoAnn picked this one, but she's the boss. - Jeff

Photo: Jeff displays his medal for finishing first in his age group at the Bovey Farmers' Day 5K.

• I just don't know what I'd DO if I ever had to take this 2nd grade spelling bee medal off. - Joseph Z.
• I hope no one notices, I'm running out of Caption Contest pictures. - Bill N.
• Hey Jeff, Heeyyyyy Jeff. Bottle Gatorade? Bottle Gatorade? You got medal? Wanna see my medal?? Like Frankie Yankovic... Tic-Toc-Polka... Eyyyyyyyyyy!!! - Don L.
• I hope they can't see that this is really my Pinewood Derby medal. - Bill N.
• UUUUHHHH, OK, Like I won and stuff!! Yah, Yah, winning is cool!! - Matt M.
• How long do ya think before Picabo misses her medal? - Paula F.
• Contestant #125: The winner of the 5th grade Science Fair...shown here demonstrating his revolutionary pill that turns your urine blue.  Soon after, the judges discovered he was actually 33 years old and revoked his medal. - Jeff N.

July 7th, 2002

Bill's come close many times.  He became so frustrated that he stopped sending in captions! What a comeback... - Jeff

Photo: Don displays the 16 Largemouth Bass that he, Steve, and Jeff caught while up at the cabin over the 4th in 2002.  He's holding about 20 pounds of fish.

• This one little minnow caught all these big fish! - JOE!
• Hey guys! I can't see what she looks like with these dark glasses. Did I snag another hot babe? - Tony B.
• Hey der!  I had ta pee, but the fish were bitin' so nutz...I just let it fly, ya know. - Jeff N.
• You're right, the fish weight more... - Jeff N.
• Hurry up and take the damn picture! Holding these fish is giving me a hernia! - Jeff N.
• Look! My tongue is longer than my dick... - Molly N.
• Yeah, man...  They're gonna NEED that large mouth to get around THIS! - Cammie N.

May 28th, 2002

Perfect caption. Jeff's dog is named 'Napa', if you didn't know. - Jeff

Photo: Summer 1994 - While his fiancée Sheila cowers under the covers, Jeff Kruesel prepares to battle a bat that has invaded their Summit Avenue bedroom.  Jeff survived the fight, but the broom didn't.

• Step back, I've got a broom and I'm not afraid to use it. - Bill N.
• Jeff K poses (as a skinny version of the main character) for photo-op during opening night of the highly acclaimed musical about Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura, entitled 'Cleaning the Mansion'. - Don L.
•  Look what was on the other end of the stick I pulled out of Sheila's ass! - Jeff N.
• Hunting wabbits...HUNTING WABBITS... - Patty B.
• After a long night of drinking, at 2am Jeff tries to simulate how a goalie would apply a two-hander to a player in his crease at the same time he is ready to go bat hunting. - Matt M.
• Jedi Obi-Wana-B prepares to do battle with Darth Dust Bunny - Tony B.
• Jeff has everyone bristling in fear. - Bill N.
• Despite resorting to extreme measures, Jeff still can't get that dirt off his upper lip. - Jeff N.

April 23rd, 2002

Of course, I have the advantage of picking the pictures.  I'm going to win occasionally. - Jeff

Photo: Paula fishes near the decrepit cabin on Caribou Lake.  The water is so clear, she can see the fish swimming twenty feet below.  She's trying to run her lure into their mouths, with no success.

• Look at me! I made it into Jeff's caption contest!!! I'm SOMEBODY NOW! Gotta go, cuz...The new phonebook's here, the new phonebook's here!!! - Don L.
• Doesn't she ever take off that damn baseball hat? - Paula F.
• Eeeew! Stop that! - Tony B.
• Hey guys...how come I can't catch any flies with this pole?  You said it was for fly fishing! - Jeff N.
• See, I'm right! Snot works just as good as worms! - JoAnn N.
• If I had a ten-foot pole, I could touch that fish... - Jeff N.
• Shut up, Steve.  My farts don't scare the fish away...see! - Jeff N.
• Hey! Scuba Steve...scare the fishies this way! - Paula F.
• Hey! Ariel, is that you? You owe me money, bitch! - Deedee B.
• That ISN'T the pole I was talking about... - Tony B.
• See, I told you I could pee through that hole in the deck! - Jeff B.

March 30th, 2002

Usually, captions are funny. This one is just true... - Jeff

Photo: Jeff displaying his fresh catch at the lake - July 4th, 2001. We ate like kings that evening.

• Hi! I'm gay! - JOE!
• Back in my day we didn't have any fancy artificial lures, we put barbed hooks on our privates...and we liked it! - Don L.
• Fleeing from the clergy in droves some "men of the cloth" turn to other outlets for relief. - Tony B.
• The small mouth bass prove too tempting for frustrated clergy members. - Tony B.
• Poster child for the "Don't Judge Me" campaign. - Tony B.

January 24th, 2002

The DJ does look evil, though... - Jeff

Photo: Jeff and JoAnn at their wedding - September 17th, 1994.

• Well, isn't that interesting...I didn't know it was standard procedure for the groomsmen to help me practice this whole garter thing! - Don L.
• With the ever-decreasing need for firing squads in recent times, some forward-thinking squads are becoming more accommodating with their 'last requests'. - Tony B.
• Yeah, baby.  That's right... oh yeah...  oh yeah...  YES! (the D.J. on the right) - Jeff N.
• This is the most action Jeff saw that evening... - Jeff N.
• It's really a shame that most of the guys jumping for this garter soon would rather be jumping for the bouquet. - JOE!

November 10th, 2001

Lots of good entries this time.  Let's keep it up! You can do it. - Jeff

Photo: It's Elvis and Nixon, man!

• Hey, I told you not to step on my blue suede shoes. - El Santo
• Elvis, is that peanut butter on your hand...or are you happy to see me? - Jeff N.
• So...uhh...got any monkeys 'round here? - Don L.
• You're the king, I'm the Prez, let's get it on. - Bill N.
• Goddam, I hope he washed his hands... - Don L.
• Jailhouse Rock was not about Watergate, right? - Bill N.
• Hey man, if you ever need help dubbing tapes, give me a call... - Don L.
• Quaaludes and peanut butter, never tried it. - Bill N.
• PSSTT, Mr. President...I won't tell anyone about the Watergate thing if you won't tell anyone I'm really still living in Fargo, ND. - Matt M.
• Elvis, you sure are one fat, smelly bastard. - Jeff N.
• President Nixon congratulates the new champion of the American Wrestling Assocation: Fat Old Elvis - Jeff N.
• Elvis, how did you get so fat with all of that action you were getting? - Jeff N.
• Hey, baby...er, I mean President Nixon...I hate to run out on you during a photo-op, but due to my bacon and peanut butter diet, I haven't pooped in 25 days and...let's just say it's time to take care of business. - Jeff N.
• President Nixon thanks Elvis for his help in pulling the nation through a rough time by single-handedly supporting the bacon industry. - Jeff N.
• Hey, you got peanut butter on my bacon!
  Well, your bacon is in my peanut butter! - Jeff N.

October 29th, 2001

Bill's own daughter wins! - Jeff

Photo: In case you can't tell, I used Photoshop to place Bill in this picture. Here's the original photo of Bill.

• Sorry, Bambi. Bill can't help you today - he's trying to qualify for Boston. - Cindy G.
• Proving yet again that men just don't ask for directions. End of story. - Tony B.
• Hell should freeze over, I just qualified for Boston. - Paul G.
• Good. That smoke break didn't slow me down too much. - Jeff N.
• Explosive intestinal gas...the plague of runners and wildlife everywhere. - Paul G.
• Bill's just burning up the trail! - Judy N.
• Hey Bill, slow down!  Where's the fire? - Jeff N.

August 16th, 2001

I had to win sometime. - Jeff

Photo: JoAnn's tries to help her dad figure out something on his old laptop. Since this photo was taken, Jeff has become the master and no longer requires JoAnn's assistance.

• And viola!! JoAnn is hypnotized by my new computer program. - Jeff B.
• "And that," exclaimed newly bearded Gore proudly, "was how I invented the internet!" - Joseph Z.
• "Rain Man" gets nervous when others use his laptop and starts juggling imaginary balls. - Jeff N.
• See! Look right there. It says, 'The fashion conscious man will be sporting red flannel and jeans this spring.' - Tony B.
• That's two beers you owe me. Pay up, girly! - Tony B.
• With a computerized flourish, Pippy Longstocking realizes that her real father is a gay lumberjack. - Don L.
• You were always such a snot! - Pat J.
• My God!! That's the largest blank I've ever seen! - Steve J.

August 1st, 2001

JoAnn's mom has never met Joe, but she says, "That man has a one track mind!"  We all agree he has a great sense of humor. - Jeff

Photo: JoAnn's dad (also named Jeff) tries to get JoAnn to kiss his bass before he throws is back in the water.

• Given the choice between Jeff and the fish, JoAnn chooses correctly. - Richard M.
• Fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish heads. Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up, yum. - Don L.
• Ya und ven da fish takes da bait, dey pucker up der lips like dis... - Don L.
• Though the bait is a bit unorthodox, Jeff does manage to all in one hell of a catch... - Tony B.
• With tempers starting to flare Jeff wisely decides to share half his lunch... - Tony B.
• Yuck, I thought kissing a fish would be more fun. - Paul G.

July 20th, 2001

Is that a Rapala in your pants, or are you happy to see me? - Tom R.

Ever so nimble, the giant blue-green kayak eating monster sheds a layer of skin before attacking its prey. - Don L.

JoAnn's caption was really the best one, but she can't win. - Jeff

Photo: Jeff Blesi has a little trouble removing his pants on a hot day at the Joyce Estate (he's wearing swim shorts underneath).

• Yes, honey.  I am impressed at how limber you are. But dogs do it because they actually CAN! Besides, if you could do it, do you really think I want to know about it?! - Joseph Z.
• I told you it was a fart. See, no lumps! - Jeff B.
• Jeff!! Not here!! The outhouse is right behind you!! - Patty B.
• Prequel to Deliverance - Richard M.
• Pat, what's a tapeworm look like? - Jeff N.
• You call that a jerk bait or what? - Tom R.
• Wow! I blew a hole right through my jeans! - Jeff N.
• I've got a gopher in my pants and his name is Carlos! - Jeff N.
• Unlike everyone else, Jeff puts his pants on both legs at the same time... - Jeff N.
• Pat, can you help me pull this stick out of my ass?!? - JoAnn N.

March 6th, 2001

Ah. A reference to "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles." Classic. - Jeff

Photo: Jeff and Molly fall asleep after a hard day of doing nothing at the lake.

• Jesus.  What the hell was in that Caribou coffee? - Jeff B.
• Who is that dog he's in bed with??? - Patty B.

January 10th, 2001

This was a tough decision for JoAnn. Family duties made her want to pick her mom's caption, but in the end she went with the Lethal Weapon. The reference to the duck driver was disqualified due to lack of originality. - Jeff

Photo: Jeff warms his tootsies after a damn cold day of skiing at Lutsen in northern Minnesota.

• JoAnn! JoAnn! Look, I found a quarter! - Patty B.
• This duck driver is making me wait way too long. - Richard M.
• ...the defrosting of a normally frigid Valentines day surprise for a wanton JoAnn... - Michael D.
• Honey.... Honey! The trap door is stuck in the hide-a-bed again! - Tony B.

December 21st, 2000

Ah. A reference to a former contest. Priceless. - Jeff

Photo: JoAnn captures Jeff trying to see where they are on the famed "Liberty Trail" in Boston.

• We are not lost! - William N.
• So, where did I lose JoAnn?" - Richard M.
• I'm not lost, I just like reading maps. - Patty B.
• Mr. Neau demonstrates one of the many uses of our new product "Many Hands".  With our two-unit model (shown above), Mr. Neau's other set are free to explore... - Tony B.
• When they told me there was an outdoor biffy around here, they really meant 'outdoor'...Hmmmm...I wonder where they keep the TP. - Don L.

November 30th, 2000

The beauty of this caption is you wonder, "Which one is the satisfied customer??"
Is it JoAnn, who just completed a very enjoyable ride on the duck boat?  Or, is it Cap'n Cookie, who just completed? 
Nice sexual overtone while still tying into the reality of the photo. - Jeff

Photo: JoAnn and duck boat operator "Cap'n Cookie" pose. Just as Jeff took this picture, the Cap'n said something funny, causing JoAnn to make the famous face. October, 2000.

• Stuck in his thumb, pulled out a plum... - Joseph Z.
• First, why don't you practice on my thumb. - David L. (this one ran a close second - Jeff)
• You're going to put that thumb where?? - Reinhard W.
• Cap'n Cookie gives the thumbs up, indicating that JoAnn is a great duck. - Jeff N.
• Oh, I think he had too many of those Boston Beans.  It made him Quack like a DUCK. - Paul G.
• The aging Fonzarelli in a desperate attempt to recapture his youth (and the blonde hottie) gives it one last try....   AAAAAAaaaaayyyyyyy! - Tony B.

November 2nd, 2000

Joe has taken a blatant turn for the blue side of comedy. Apparently unable to come up with anything funny without resorting to sexual jokes... Cosby would not approve. - Jeff

Photo: Jeff hassling his roommate Dave as he tries to eat pizza in their dorm room. This picture was used to help Jeff win the dorm presidency by placing Sid Hartman's face over Dave's and using it on flyers. March, 1988.

• David protests the Van Halen Fan club initiation. - Richard M.
• After the concert, Crack, the lead guitarist from REO Speedwagon continued his peculiar habit of picking from the crowd of tiny boppers, the one person who had what he deemed as the best behaving cowlick. Later, after pleasantries and a photo-op, Crack would sacrifice the youngster in a bizarre ritual involving a bow saw, duct tape, the Chipmunks' Christmas album and cilantro. - Justin F.
• I wuve you. - Patty B.
• There goes Bing again, giving head...give, give, give. - Don L.
• Nice shirt, Jeff! - Joseph Z.

September 2nd, 2000

It's good to see Chuck get recognition for his talents at last. Of course, there was a fairly low turnout for this one... - Jeff

Photo: No explanation necessary. October, 2000.

• Realizing what he forgot to do before his big speech, Al thinks quickly and disposes of his post-dinner Big Red. - Jeff N.
• Al shows that they don't call him "The Stiff" for nothing. - J.C. S.
• I saw something like this on Star Trek. - Richard M.

July 12th, 2000

Simple, yet effective - Jeff

Photo: After an eight-hour kayak ride down the Rice River in northern Minnesota, JoAnn gets out of the kayak and steps in poop. (Not our dogs' poop, they weren't with). May, 2000.

• Damn Lilliputians! - Tony B.
• After all those years of being barefoot in the kitchen, JoAnn finally gets shoes...and isn't quite sure how they work. - J.C. S.
• It really is difficult to distinguish between Molly and Cammie." - Matt D.
• One of the dogs pooped in the kayak?!? - Michael D.
• JoAnn discovers (the hard way) that her suntan lotion container looks much like a tube of SuperGlue... - Jeff N.
• I thought I left that in the outhouse! - Chuck H.

June 22nd, 2000

He is sportin' wood. - Jeff

Photo: While visiting them in Charleston, we asked our friends Dave and Hilary Langlie to take a picture of us standing in the ocean...they took the opportunity to waste our film. The internet is good for revenge. September, 1998.

• Hey, look! My pit stick stained my shirt! - Jeff N.
• Look, I can fly like a birdie. Fly, fly, fly away... - Sheila. K.
• Two beers, and the guy thinks he's a damn seagull. - Dave L.
• So this is what lithium is like. - Richard M.
• Dave can't get the Village People out of his head... - Jeff N.
• Always look on the bright side of life... - Jeff N.
• Hey, look! My hat is the moon and my forehead is the sun slipping below the horizon at sunet! And I'm sportin' wood as well! - Michael D.

March 27th, 2000

Here's where the sex captions began. - Jeff

Photo: JoAnn and Santy (neighbor of JoAnn's grandparents) at JoAnn's grandparents' on Christmas Eve, 1999.

• Give me some more cookies and I might forget how naughty you were this year! - Jeff N.
• Now, tell me again why Rudolph's nose is so bright? - Bill N.
• Stick around honey, this party is just getting started. - Matt D.
• Come over here girlie, Santa's got something to show you. - Charles H.
• For the last time, NO! I don't care what you have in your bag for me... you're not getting any more of my cookies fat boy. - Tony B.
• Santa delivers Jeffy's favorite present - Tony B.
• How 'bout I show you my beard trick later on? - J.C. S.

January 30th, 2000

Great captions for this one. Thankfully JoAnn has a good sense of humor - Jeff

Photo: JoAnn and her cousin Zoey getting ready for a day in Ft. Myers, Florida. March, 1998.

• JoAnn, I use 'TangleFree', not this goop! And all of the boys just love my hair! - Betty M. (JoAnn's aunt, and the mother of the Zoey, the girl in the picture)
• It looks real, doesn't it? - Bill N. (Bill must've sent this when we had the picture of his hairpiece on here.)
• Girlfriend, you've got problems. What did you do, put that Soul Glow in your hair? You know better than to put that in them blonde locks of yours. - Sheila K.
• Shouldn't it ALL be blonde? - Bill N. (risking JoAnn's friendship here...)

December 6th, 1999

This one was a tough call. JoAnn stayed up all night trying to pick the winner. - Jeff

Photo: Jeff and Napa (Jeff and Sheila Kruesel's Jack Russell Terrier) doing some serious work for Cimlinc at the dinette table. 1997.

• You pee in the house again, and this is where I'm dropping you off - in Eagan! - Bill N.
• This is what we call a monitor... - Jeff N. (admittedly, only two people will get this, but it is tradition for Jeff to put the first caption out there...)
• See! Look right here...  Boy dog... Girl dog... - Tony B.

November 2nd, 1999

In case it isn't obvious, that's a giant Salmon next to JoAnn. - Jeff

Photo: JoAnn at Eastport Salmon Festival in Eastport, Maine. September, 1999.

• He should go to Boppa Blesi for a dental consultation... - Sheila K.
• Nice tail! - Jeff N.
• Spank, baby. Spank. - J.C. S.

October 21st, 1999

I really thought my "B.O." caption was the best - Jeff

Photo: Don Lundgren at the Museum of Flight in Seattle, WA. June, 1998.

• Could you please pass the Tang? - Sheila K.
• I've got a monkey in my spacesuit and his name is Carlos. - Jeff N.
• Houston, I've got a B.O. problem... - Jeff N.
• I've heard space girls are easy. - Bill N.